Thursday, September 6, 2012

Time to SLOW down

I don't know how other working families do it. I feel there just isn't enough time to get everything done. I can't keep my house clean unless I spend hours after bed doing it, but I'm so tired at that time that I don't feel like doing anything!

In the morning, I struggle to get out of bed because I haven't had a full night of sleep. We're always running late. In the evening, I struggle to feed Dylan, cook dinner, feed Dylan, get the boys ready for bed, feed Dylan, read to Ethan, lay with Ethan, fight with Ethan. And yes, my husband is right there with me, trying to occupy one while I occupy the other. Or trying to occupy both while I try to cook dinner. I don't even know how this is going to work when Dylan starts eating! I'm SO happy we're waiting to start solids with him!

And so I find myself wondering how other families hold it together. How do they cook dinner, take care of kids, clean the house, and still find time to connect with themselves? I mean, I'm trying to work out during work hours, but that doesn't always work. How is a Mom supposed to get back in shape, feel confident, and be a good mom? And work! Because let's face it, not working is not an option---and right now? I'd jump on that option just to have some time to take care of the necessities!

I'm drowning, and it doesn't help that my self confidence hasn't been this low since high school! I feel gross and fat and tired of hearing people tell me that it's okay because I have an excuse. I want to wear something other than the 5 dresses I wear every week because it's all that fits. And no. I'm NOT buying new clothes because they won't make me feel better. I'll feel worse! WAY WORSE.

And I know Dylan is a good sleeper, but I'm tired. I just am. I went to bed last night at 9:30 thinking that I'd get to sleep till 3:30 and then 6. But no. Dylan woke up at 2, 4:30 and 5:30. I can't catch a break! I'm tired. My marriage is suffering, I'm suffering, the kids are suffering. How in the hell do people manage this?

I know it will get better. I know that. But I really wish I was doing nothing more than teaching right now. I really wish a position would open up and I could have it. I really just want to teach. Because then, I'll be doing what I love AND I could not worry about things being crazy for 9 months because I'd have 3 months to get everything organized.

There you have it. My whine session. Pity Party Thursday! On a lighter note....these two do help me get through it, even if they're part of the cause!

These two are both 4 months. Can you tell them a part? I think it's pretty easy!


4 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry Katherine. I hurt for you reading this. I know how hard it is with two - especially right now when Dylan is SO dependent on you (because he is an infant). I don't know what it's like to work though (outside the home) and try to manage being a mom at home. It's SO hard to be a good mom and a good employee. To manage everything in your life is extremely difficult.

    These past few months, I have realized that the key to my happiness and a good mental state is having balance in my life. I need time for me and I need to not overwhelm myself. I can't schedule myself too much. I have to have space to breathe. My therapist has helped me a lot with this. I tend to overcommit and self-sacrifice to the extent that I suffer. It's not fair to myself or to my family though.

    Try not to sacrifice yourself too much. Try to give yourself a little space to breathe. I know that it is easier said than done - especially right now. But in time, I hope it will get easier for you!

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  2. I wish I could offer some advice but honestly I'm home and I have no idea how to do it all. As a matter of fact I'm not sure how to do half of it. Although I did get FIVE hours of sleep yesterday so I feel a little like a rockstar today. In fact I'm making cookies, I'd bring you some… but I'm afraid to offer :o).

    As for the boy - Heck yes they look very different to me. I can't wait to see how much our little one changes over the next three months, I can't get over Dylan he's HUGE!

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  3. I think it's totally fine to have a pity party sometimes. Maybe even a good cry. All that frustration builds up and it needs to get out and be vented. It will get better and you know that, but in the meantime feel free to spout off to your heart's content.

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  4. I'm sorry your struggling right now. ((HUGS))
    Yes, they definitely look different. I'm not sure if I've seen many pictures of your husband but I think Dylan looks like you.
    I'm assuming Ethan takes after your husband!

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