Decisions, Decisions...Where to have the baby

Man, I have a lot going on. I mean, I know I say that a lot, but seriously....I have a lot on my mind and so much I want to get out. So let's start here: where to have the baby.

Seems easy enough, right? At a hospital. However, there are several shades of gray, and I suddenly find myself sifting through them on an endless search for the perfect shade. The shade that fits my family's needs and wants.

So I think I may have made mention of getting a Doula. Makes sense that I would if I'm serving on the Doula Foundation Board, right? Right. We met with her yesterday afternoon and even my husband is on board. But I think I might be ready to take it a step further. What does that mean, you ask?

I'm seriously considering a homebirth. I know. It's late in the game. I have approximately 11 weeks left. Not a lot of time to find a midwife, plan and prepare for such an extreme right? Wrong. I have a great, lovely friend with an awesome recommendation for a midwife. And since she's meeting with her today, she's going to see if said midwife might be willing to take on a late case. I'm hoping for good news. I'm hoping that she'll at least talk to me. I'm hoping that I'm comfortable with her and she's comfortable with me. Hoping, hoping, hoping....

I know. There are people out there that think having a child at home is not just risky, but incredibly stupid. My best friend is one of those people, and I don't think I'm even going to tell her about it. But I make no decisions of this level of importance without a thorough amount of research. And here's the thing. People think midwives don't have the ability to handle emergency situations. However, these people are trained to determine early on whether a transport to the hospital is necessary. They also come equipped with instruments needed to stop bleeding, resuscitate breathing, suction meconium, etc. should those things arise. And the person I'm looking at is partnered with a doctor.

I am low risk. I have had one child. I was not listened to when I had that child and do not want that repeated. I want to birth my baby the way I want to do. If that means I'm squatting when the child comes out, so be it!

In the mean time.....it's still not an easy decision and I'm still not wholly convinced.

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I remember when...a little randomness with some seriousness

Mrs. Adventure is hosting a Mother Event. As a mother, and an expecting mother, I'm very interested. Can't wait for this one. Click the pic and check it out!

Alright. I've been MIA. Nothing new there. I wish I could say all has been well, but it hasn't. I'm on the verge of some very ballistic antics, and I'm just counting down the days for the arrival of little man that is still nameless not because I'm so anxious to experience sleepless nights, but because I need a serious break from what drives most of my weeks.

Today, I am very much remembering what it was like to be so idealistic and so sure of myself. To know exactly what I would and wouldn't stand for and to stand by those convictions. It's true, that for the most part, I do stand by my convictions. I must. It's important! Some lines can't be crossed. However, as I've grown older and been immersed in the "real" working environment for however many years now, I have also learned that sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do and you have to overlook things you may not believe are right. We're not talking major things. We're talking minor stuff, like looking for a letter in someone's office when they're out of town because your boss NEEDS to send said letter to someone ASAP. Maybe you don't feel comfortable doing it and maybe you express that, but when you're told to do it anyway? You do it. You just do it quickly and with little interference, meaning NOT going through the desk. However, miss idealistic co-worker that sees you feels it's her obligation to text out-of-office person immediately. Are you kidding? Because I need someone to rat out my every move. However, she would want to know.....

I get it. I do. But you know what? There comes a point when you realize that sometimes you simply do what you're told. You have children and a family to worry about. Is it worth losing your job over? Hmm. Probably not.

On to other things. I'm 29 weeks pregnant. That means I have 11 weeks left, which means I have 12 - 13 weeks left. I just KNOW this baby is going to be late. We meet with our Doula on Sunday. I'm excited!

I had a doctor's appt last week. I weighed an entire pound more than the appt one month prior. I gained a whole POUND! I was impressed and attribute it 100% to the no-refined-carb thing I'm doing....well....

Okay, for the most part, I'm off refined carbs. I have one guilty exception. Ice Cream. I'm trying, but my goodness I'm having a hell of a time giving it up. Going to keep at that one!

I traveled for work last week and stood at a reception for two hours in high heels. Miserable! Absolutely miserable! Then I walked around the Capitol building, which are comprised of very hard marble floors. I'm not going back till March. Thank goodness. And that'll be the last time! YES!

Alright. Here's my latest pic. This was taken Sunday. By Wednesday, I had grown. Just haven't taken a picture yet, but I can say my little belly button is starting to poke out!

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Quick Update on the No-Refined-Carb Challenge

Alright. I have class in about 10 minutes. I should be reading statistics. Instead, I'm writing this....so I'll make it quick.

On Tuesday, Clint and I went for a Valentine's Lunch, which is much easier to organize than dinner with a 3-year-old. I took about 3 or 4 bites of the bun on my burger before I decided to take it off. However, I did have a nice, yummy slice of chocolate almond cheesecake! YUM! I can't begin to describe the deliciousness I experienced.

Other than that, the diet is going well. I can't really say that I've felt a HUGE difference in how I feel, but I guess I do feel a little more patient. A little less on edge, maybe?

My biggest issue is finding things to eat. So I've made spaghetti with spaghetti squash, which was so delicious, I will definitely be eating it again. And hubby LOVED it. I eat a lot of potatoes. I eat a lot of salads with veggies and bacon. Yes. Bacon. Yum. I've had taco soup, chili, and bean salad.

There are things to eat, but they aren't processed, and therefore, they take much more time to put together. I eat Steel Cut Oats....30 minutes to make but worth it. I had a crustless quiche this week made with nothing more than eggs, muenster cheese, spinach and broccoli. I suppose I should provide some links to these recipes sometime.

Next week, I'm going to try a pizza with cauliflower crust. Sounds interesting. I've heard it's good.

And so maybe that's one of the best things to come out of all this....I'm trying new things. New foods. Healthy foods. Just last night, my husband said, "At least I can say this. We've been eating a lot healthier, and I don't feel like I've sacrificed taste in the least!" Now that's a compliment I can live with!

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The Day of the Third Gray Hair

Warning: a little sappy, a little self-pitiesh, and some might even say a little vain. 

Today I discovered my third gray hair. One would think that a mere three gray hairs would be of no consequence, but God saw fit to bless my head with long, dark strands that make such silvery strands ever so obvious within a sea of brown. 

I am 32-years-old. In just over a month’s time, I’ll be 33. In just under 3 months’ time, I’ll welcome my second child into the world. And as I begin to notice the not-so-subtle differences of my age, I find myself looking a little closer in the mirror and paying just a little more attention to how my body feels.

Why? Why can I not just accept that this is indeed a normal part of the life cycle and that I, as all those before me, will continue to age until one day my aging body will say, “Okay, I’ve had enough,” and throw in the towel? 

As Ethan was bathing tonight, I was looking closely in the mirror at the fine lines and creases that are beginning to take up permanent residence on my facial features. And I thought, “what in the world will these look like ten years from now? How old will my face be?” And all of a sudden I hate the years I chose not to wear sunglasses in the sun because by not doing so, I invariably squinted my eyes against the glare on the water as we spent many a summer day on the water. I hate the years I chose to smoke because instead of thinking of the future consequences, I was only concerned with instant gratification. I hate the lack of skin care I participated in because I let my skin remain dry and flaky, depriving it of valuable nutrients it needed to maintain its elasticity that I so long to cherish now.

And as these thoughts ran through my mind, I couldn’t help but wonder if I would want a do-over when I reach an even older age. Would I long for the days when my skin and my body were young? Would I wish I could turn back time and do it all over again? I certainly hope not. I would like to think that by the time I, hopefully, reach a ripe old age, that I can look back on my life with fondness and fulfillment.

However, at even the young age of 32, I can honestly say I wish I knew then what I know now. It’s so cliché, yes, but it’s also so very apt. I wish I would’ve realized when I was a teen just how beautiful I was. My awkwardness and gangly feelings were just that….feelings. 

I wish that I would have spent less time in my 20s obsessing over a tiny hump in my stomach or a slight bulge on my love handle region when wearing a swimsuit. I look back at those pictures now and wonder how my body was so toned, so muscular. So put together. Because no matter how hard I work out, no matter how long I spend getting my body into shape, I will never ever look like I did then.

I know it’s vain. I know it shouldn’t matter. But the differences are obvious. Even if I do remove the cellulite growing by the day on my hips and thighs, I will always have the scars of carrying not one, but two children within me. I will always be just a little more stretched out than I used to be. We just don’t realize what we have at the time. We don’t look in the mirror as a young 20-something and say, “Wow! I’m going to look back at myself in 10 years and be damned impressed!” 

And that’s really the point. Right now, it’s so hard to look at myself and not see the growing cells of fat being stored as I create another life. It’s so hard not to focus on how long it took with baby #1 to get back into my clothes. And yet, I know with certainty that I’m gaining no more than I should and I’m healthy, and for a pregnant woman, I look pretty damn good. It’s learning how to look in mirror and remember that. 

And then there’s what will happen afterward. Even after I lose all the baby fat. Even after I get back into the best shape I can get back into. I fear I will still look upon myself with a critical eye that’s so attuned to focusing in the flaws and I’ll miss the beauty that’s there. I won’t realize that those lines around my eyes are exactly the thing that make them sparkle when I smile. I won’t realize how fortunate I am to be 33 (this is the future, remember) and have so few gray hairs. I won’t realize how fortunate I am to be as healthy as I’ve become. I hope that I can keep a sound perspective on it all, and that as I continue to walk the walk that so many women before me have walked, I will learn to embrace my age and my looks. Most of all, I hope that I can embrace my experiences, wisdom, and knowledge that can only come from having lived a good life.

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And so...I hired a Doula

Don't know what a Doula is? Doula is Greek for "a woman who serves." Doulas these days provide a support system to mothers during pregnancy, birth, and post-partum. She provides physical comforts, emotional support, and much more to the birthing mother.

And so you may be thinking that a husband, mother, or other partner could do all that. After all, there are birth classes, correct? Doulas are trained professionals. They know things your mother can't remember. They understand things your husband cannot possibly in a million years understand. They have the experience of being a part of the birthing process.

But I've done this before, so why the Doula this time?

I can't remember if I ever actually shared my labor story here. And I won't now. I'll just give some quick highlight.

• I was induced at just under 41 weeks. I went in at midnight and was given a cervical insert to get things going. I was 70% effaced and only 1 cm dilated. Baby had not dropped a bit. 
• By around 12 noon, I was only 2 cm dilated, but my contractions were such that they were holding off on pitocin. 
• The nurse continually asked me if I wanted an epidural consult even though my birth plan explicitly said, no epidural. 
• By around 2, they said the contractions had backed off. Still at a 2. They would start Pitocin. Clint pushed me to get the epidural. The nurse pushed me. I asked, "Could I still be doing this in the morning?" The nurse replied "Yes." I succumbed to the pressure and received an epidural. After all, when you're induced, all moving around the room options are stripped from you. You're stuck in the bed hooked up to monitors. 
• Around 3, they started the Pitocin. I didn't feel a thing for about 4.5 hours. 
• Around 8 pm, the pain started. Bone crushing pain. They upped the Epidural. To no avail. And so, they stopped it. 
• At around 10:15 to 10:30, I felt the need to push. Apparently, my doctor had decided to go home. She lived 30 minutes away. Another doctor came in. 
• I delivered Ethan at 11:41. They had to use a vacuum to get him out because his heartbeat was erratic. I was on oxygen.
• My birth plan also stated I wanted instant skin-to-skin contact. And I wanted it before the Vitamin K shot or the eye gel. Guess what? They didn't abide by that. I vaguely remember them questioning me, but I was so out of it, I went along.
• I received a shot in my leg immediately. Turns out I was bleeding out because my uterus was not contracting. I then got sick several times and had no idea why. An hour later, they told me it was a side effect of the shot. 

Breastfeeding:

• I tried to feed Ethan. He wouldn't latch. 
• The next day, I tried to feed Ethan all day, to no avail. He wouldn't latch; he was very sleepy.
• He became jaundiced and got sent home with a biliblanket.

What went wrong?

• Side effects of Pitocin include heavy or continued bleeding after birth. 
• For the fetus, Pitocin can cause irregular heartbeat and jaundice.
• Epidural may cause the uterus to relax and not contract properly....causing hemorrhaging.
• Epidural can cause baby's heartrate to become irregular.
• Epidural leads to increased interventions, including forceps, vacuums, and c-sections.
• Babies exposed to epidurals can have trouble suckling after birth. 

How many of these things did I experience? Well, I was on Pitocin for 24 hours following the birth because of my uterus, a side effect of both Pitocin and Epidural. I was on oxygen because Ethan wasn't getting enough, a vacuum was used to get Ethan out, Ethan had trouble suckling, and Ethan was jaundiced....see any correlations here? 

So when taking all that into consideration, why in the world would I want to go through it again? I wouldn't.

And so, I hired a Doula. Studies show that when a Doula is present

• Labors are shorter by 25%
• C-sections are less frequent by a whopping 50%
• Use of Pitocin or another Oxytocin drug is reduced by 40%
• Epirdural request is reduced by 60%

Doulas use methods such as touch and massage to help women get through labor. But why can't Clint do that? Well, let me tell you....

While Clint can give a mean back rub when he's so inclined, he's not trained in the arts of hitting the right pressure points that help the body release natural pain relievers. AND, men often have a difficult time seeing their lovely wives going through so much pain...as they should since they caused the condition! (JK).

Now, I'll say that a Doula can very well compliment a husband. She can teach him/show him what to do for his wife, enhancing the experience. And that, well, that's sort of what I'm looking for.

Here's the thing. I know more this time around. That's obvious...I've been through it once. And while I had a birth plan the first time, I was easily talked out of what I knew I wanted. And so, I have very strong, solid, immoveable opinions this time.

• I will not be induced until 42 weeks unless there is a strong medical reason
• I will not receive Pitocin  if they feel my labor is going too long
• I will not be confined to a bed and I will request for forego an IV
• I will not submit to a c-section just because things aren't going quickly enough
• I will not have an Epidural
• I will have skin-to-skin contact immediately. This means before a Vitamin K shot or eye gel application
• I will breastfeed my child immediately. 

The other great thing about a Doula is that while things are going crazy and you're sighing a huge sigh of relief for having just pushed out a child, your Doula can/will make sure your wishes are carried out. And that is a relief to me!

And so, I hired a Doula. We meet with her in a couple weeks. I am excited!

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Conversations with Mr. Smarty Pants...Totally Ethan

So every morning, during the week anyway, Ethan wants Mommy and Daddy to snuggle with him before he has to get out of bed. I wish he would do that on the weekends, but when Saturday and Sunday roll around, he's all ready to hop out of bed with the sun! Anyway, while I'm usually running late, late, late, I love this time I get to snuggle with my bug. (Incidentally, Ethan hates nicknames; however, he will readily admit that he's my bug. After all, I've been calling him some variation of "bug" since he popped out. It makes me feel special!).

As the day nears when we will welcome our little bundle of joy, I realize and am struck by the sadness of losing some of these moments with Ethan. I know, it'll be different and there will be "other" moments, but right now, I have Ethan all to myself and he has me all to his self. It will be a little sad to let that go. Normal feelings, I'm sure.

But hopefully, we'll still have these types of conversations:

"Mom, my muscles are really strong cause I drink lots of milk!"
"Yes, your muscles are strong because your bones are strong."
"Mom. What is blood?"
"You know what blood is. Your blood is full of cells and keeps all your organs and everything in your body going. Without it, you wouldn't be alive."
"Yeah, and if my heart doesn't pump the blood, then you can't be alive either."
"That's right."
"But Mom? Pop tarts aren't good for your heart, are they?"
"No, they're not."
"But pears and oranges are."
"Yes, pears and oranges are good for your heart and your bones and muscles."
"Yeah. And natural sugar is good for your heart, isn't it?"
"Well, it doesn't really work like that. Natural sugar is much, much better for you than fake or refined sugar."
"Yeah, and are pancakes and syrup good for you? Is it natural sugar?"
"Well, only 100% maple sugar is natural. Not other kinds of syrup."
"Oh, I will have to tell M what foods are good for you."

And this is where hubby jumps in.....
"You know M hates you."
"Well....do you think I'm crazy?"
"I'm not as fanatic as you are, but no, you're not crazy."
Warms my heart!

And here's the thing....so yeah. Ethan asked M for a pop tart for breakfast last week when I dropped him off. She said, "Oh, those aren't very nutritious. They're more of a snack." Um. She's been boasting about how much the kids LOVE them....and all of a sudden she decided they aren't nutritious....something tells me that Ethan was very informative one day. That's the thing about kids. They think everyone should know what they know!


*Disclaimer....I'm not an expert. Maybe there is another "natural sugar" syrup out there. However, for Ethan's purposes, this information gets my point across.

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So it began....on Saturday

On Saturday, I began my ascent into foregoing refined carbohydrates. Meal planning for this month has been quite difficult, and I actually did a few things differently. First of all, because my consumption of fruits and vegetables will undoubtedly increase, I made the menu for the next two weeks. Second of all, I included breakfast and lunch on the menu....for all seven days of the week. Trying to find one source of information and recipes for a no refined carb diet is NOT easy.

Sure, there's information about no carb diets, but I'm pregnant. Going on a completely no carb diet would be stupid....not to mention I never bought into the idea that it was good to give up something that provides energy to your body. The idea isn't to lose weight through drastic measures. The idea is to give my body the most natural foods possible so that it can process them the way it was meant to.

And so what does a menu look like? Here's a few items I plan to consume.

• Steel cut oats. These little morsels of goodness have been minimally cut and contain the inner portion of the oat kernal. They are not to be mistaken with their brother...the rolled oat. Different texture, different taste. And easy to make ahead. Throw in some Almond Milk, cinnamon, fruit, and a little bit of honey, and you actually have a very filling, very nutritious, very unrefined breakfast. 
• Potatoes...and lots of them. With bacon. I know the jury is still out on potatoes. After all, people will tell you they have a high glycemic load. However, they are a NATURAL carb and are loaded with Vitamin C, potassium (leg cramps anyone?), and NATURAL (rather than added) antioxidants. I will be eating lots of these starchy veggies!
• Chili. Yum. It's chilly enough for chili and it has nothing refined. Or not my hubby's chili anyway and he makes a mean chili!
• Salad, salad, salad. With all the fixings. I have peppers, cucumbers, broccoli, and even some finely diced walnuts for a kick of protein.
• Spaghetti Squash Spaghetti. I hear it's delicious!
• Quinoa. If you haven't heard of quinoa, you should give it a try. Yum. And very versatile. 

There's more, of course, but we'll start there. now I will say that giving up refined carbs inevitably leads to less refined sugars. The two sort of go hand-in-hand. But that doesn't mean my sweet tooth has ceased to exist. It has not. So I bought an 85% dark Cocoa bar made with demerara sugar, which is an unrefined sugar. The first bite tastes sweet, but is quickly overrun by the bitterness that comes with dark chocolate. Which, by the way, solves the problem of eating it all in one sitting. One bite at a time is all I need to quench the crave!

Now, I hear I should become an angry person during the first week, but I'm feeling okay with it so far. Of course, I was not altogether thrilled about not partaking in some yummy breakfast monkey bread and the M & M cookies I'll be faced with later....well, a little evil might just be visible in my eyes!

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