I wish I was one of those women that loved being pregnant. I'm just not. I love feeling the baby move. I love that. And I will miss it once he's no longer in there squirming around. But everything else? No thanks.
Warning: Some people may find offense to this post, and I apologize in advance. I'm just being truthful about myself.
While there are many things about pregnancy that I disdain. Lack of sleep, frequent peeing, inability to use the bathroom, etc. There is one thing that just ruins the whole experience for me. Getting bigger.
I'm not obsessive about weight. I don't freak out about how many calories I've consumed. I don't spend hours contemplating my weight. I don't. Really. However, I do not like it when my pants are tight enough around the waist that I can feel pressure on my stomach. It makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel gross. I've always been that way.
And so, pregnancy, as everyone knows, makes a tummy swell. At first, it's uncomfortable because you're not ready for maternity clothes and your regular clothes just don't fit. But then, it becomes okay. Maternity clothes feel good...not too big...not too small...and everyone can tell you're pregnant. And then comes that final stretch. The stretch I'm in.
My clothes, my maternity clothes, are getting too tight. Shirts are starting to inch up above the pant line. Dresses give the appearance of an elephant hiding out under them. My stomach is so tiny that the smallest amount of food makes me feel like I've overeaten and gives me that awful "I ate too much and feel so fat feeling." Yet I'm still hungry. I can feel the weight on my legs and my knees. I'm like a sumo wrestler, tottering from side to side as I make my way down the hall. I feel my back compensating for the protrusion that is my belly. I'm awkward and large and uncomfortable. I'm 34 weeks pregnant.
Being this pregnant makes me realize that I could never be a big person. I would hate myself every single day of my life. I would feel gross and disgusting and have no desire to do anything. I loathe being big. I cannot describe the feeling.
And before you go on to say how "tiny you are," don't misunderstand. I'm fully aware that I'm not big. I'm fully aware that I'm "all belly." I'm fully aware that while it will take a while, I will return to my pre-pregnancy weight. I know that. But this is how I feel now and nothing anyone says can change that. It makes me feel physically gross. It's what I hate most about pregnancy. And it's what I will not miss once this chapter is over.