Friday, October 14, 2011

Every pregnancy is differnent. True Statement.

They say every pregnancy is different, and while I may be just nearly 3 months into mine, I can tell you the differences are vast.

With Ethan, I suffered from migraines for the first 3 months of my pregnancy. It killed just about any excitement I was trying to muster up. Tylenol is like a placebo for me, and since it was all I could take, I was beyond miserable. It tainted my experience for sure.

With this pregnancy, I'm exhausted. I don't mean I've been chasing after a preschooler and working exhausted. I mean physically and mentally drained beyond a level I've ever experienced. Sometimes its all I can do to keep my eyes open. Seriously. It's a problem. After all, I do still have a job and naps aren't really accepted.

I'm bigger. I tried to hide this thing from my work people, but they were apparently all whispering behind my back about my "stomach" growth. It's a pouche. I big one. I can't fit into my clothes, yet I'm too small for my maternity clothes. Pain in the ass.

Probably the most significant difference, however, is my attitude. When I found out I was pregnant with Ethan, I felt lost. I was beside myself. I had always said that I was too selfish for children. And while we had talked about trying for a child, I wasn't all the way in it. I didn't feel ready. And since it wasn't planned, I realized quickly how much I was "giving up" for the baby. All of a sudden, I couldn't smoke. I couldn't drink. I couldn't eat or drink whatever I wanted. I had to take a pill everyday. My body had to change. And I was so incredibly jealous of my husband because he didn't have to do any of those things. It seemed so unfair.

And then there were the headaches that expounded my anger. I wanted it to be over. I wanted the baby to come out so that I could resume my life. Of course, I knew there would be changes but I had no idea how many. I could not have imagined how incredibly different my life would be after Ethan was born.

I feel bad for how selfish I felt through my first pregnancy. I feel bad because I feel like Ethan got the raw end of the deal. I was not happy when I was pregnant with him. I was angry and bitter and scared and bitchy. Don't get me wrong. I was also excited and anxious and all of those other feelings. I spent hours walking through baby stores and I never went to the grocery store without stopping in the baby aisle. I researched everything about safety and feeding and caring for a baby. I wanted to breastfeed and looked forward to it. I took childbirth classes and prenatal yoga. I was just so conflicted. Ecstatic one moment and angry the next. It was completely different than now.

With this one, I am excited. I am smiling. I am enjoying my pregnancy. I look at my belly and I can't wait to get past the awkward "is she pregnant or just gaining weight" phase. I am excited for May. I don't feel like I've lost anything. I don't feel like I was cheated. I don't feel like I'm sacrificing my life. I'm ready to prepare. I'm ready to know what it is so I can shop for it. I'm ready to set up the baby's room. Let's get on with it already!

I'm excited to see Ethan's reaction the first time he sees his little brother or sister. I'm excited to know if he'll have a brother or a sister. I love thinking about the baby growing inside me, and I'm not the least bit upset when I can't have a drink. I'm okay with it. My mindset is just different this time around. I mean, sure, we weren't planning on getting pregnant in August, but when I found out we were, I didn't cry. I wasn't scared. I was happy.

I'm sure there will be other differences along the way, but for today, that's all I've got.

9 comments:

  1. I am so happy that you are loving every moment. Big difference and it's wonderful. Enjoy each moment.

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  2. That is wonderful. Glad you are enjoying this pregnancy so far.

    I know what you mean about being dead tired though, I was with Noah, and it seemed like all I did for the first trimester was sleep.

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  3. I'm glad you are happy and enjoying the pregnancy. I was much more tired when I was pregnant with Harper. I had a lot more going on. It was exhausting. I was very happy Abd excited, but I was tired. Good luck!

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  4. I was exhausted with my scond pregnancy too! Like napping every day twice a day if I could and I had migraines like no other even though I'd never gotten them before. it's amazing how different they can be!

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  5. First CONGRATS, I'm just catching up so I got the 'news' this morning :-). I'm so excited for you guys and can't wait to read all about your journey. I completely understand your feelings with Ethan I've often felt the same way or worried about it anyway. But now (I'm six weeks from 28) I feel like I'm so much more prepared to give things up to enjoy the baby process :-)

    XO,

    Rach

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  6. You deserve to have a pregnancy that you revel in and fully enjoy. I couldn't be happier that you are!

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  7. Congratulations!!! That's great news! I have been absent for a while, but would check in on your blog every now and then, but I must have missed the news that you are pregnant...how exciting!

    I too remember a very distinct difference between my two pregnancies. With the second, I was exhausted from the first day, to the last. And even though I was home with Gia and could rest (and even nap when she napped), I was STILL exhausted.

    I'm glad in some ways, that this time is easier. Easier on your mind. I think it was a process you had to go through while pregnant with Ethan though. To go from a life of only having to worry about what you or your partner wants, to having your whole life revolve around another little human being, is a tough one. And, I think that what really matters, is that once Ethan was born, you were the mother he needed.

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  8. I re-read my comment and it didn't come out the way I was thinking, lol. I'm glad in ALL ways that this time is easier, but I meant that I'm glad that this pregnancy is easier at least in some ways (since you said it wasn't easier in other ways). :)

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  9. i'm really excited for you. i bet ethan will be a great big brother.

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