Thursday, December 1, 2011

Sometimes Pregnancy Just Plain Sucks

Yesterday I experienced some of the worst back pain I've had in a while. It was awful. I just all around didn't feel good. A lot of pulling. A lot of round ligament pain. And a pretty stiff headache. I felt awful really, but it's all part of it, right? I just wanted to watch a T.V. show and go to bed. As I start the show, my husband decides to go into a 30 minute discussion about what's happening at his work. He prefaced this with, "I'm not going to go on and on, but listen to this." He went on and on. And then he wanted to get a snack. And then he wanted to get another snack after we started the show. I didn't get to bed until AFTER 10:30, and I was TIRED. I was cranky.

Sleep was a mystery last night. Pregnancy has caused some serious nose congestion, which causes drainage, which causes coughing. There's not a thing I can do about it except get a humidifier, which I fully intend to do this weekend. However, that didn't help me last night. Neither did my 3-year-old that refuses to sleep in his own bed who fell out of my bed at 4:50 this morning and did not go back to sleep. So I was tired and cranky this morning.

We carpool. Since my husband took his promotion, he wants to get to work by 7:30, so we drop him off first every morning. This means I'm nearly late for work every morning if we don't leave before 7. We were in the car waiting on hubby when he decides he can't find his thermos. I got upset because he gets drop-off service and does not have to walk 5 minutes in the freezing cold because he had to park in the back lot. I got upset because he never has to drive the additional 30 minutes it takes to drop Ethan off and get to work. I got upset because I'm tired and cranky and my back hurts and I just feel a little emotional over the past couple of days.

So on the way to child care, Ethan keeps asking me for a different game on my phone. I tell him we're almost there and I'm not changing the game. I'm not changing it because the "paint" he wants is not on my phone. It's on his cousin's phone, and I don't want to explain it for the 100 time! He gets mad and takes his shoes off, so when we get to our destination, I carry him inside, something he hates, but it's 20-something degrees outside and I don't have time to put his shoes BACK on. We get inside and he runs to another mother and hugs her legs. He refuses to look at me or acknowledge my presence in any way. He hugs her tighter. My heart breaks just a little bit. And my child care lady and that other mother are looking at me. I just need to get out of there, so I say, "He's mad at me. Alright, fine. See you later." Tears stream as I walk back to my car and I hope no other mother decides to drop their child off at that time. Luckily I made it back to my car unscathed.

But here I sit in my office with the door shut with tears still streaming and feeling like I'm an awful wife and awful mother. I managed to piss them both off this morning just because I never get any sleep. Just because I'm tired and I don't feel good. Just because I'm overly emotional.

Sometimes pregnancy just plain sucks.

7 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry. That all sounds very frustrating. I would have cried too!!!

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  2. Sorry dear I don't have a three year old but I do have insomnia so I feel you on being tired. Maybe sweetly ask hubs to take care of Ethan tonight from 7 on so you can get tucked in early.

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  3. It really does make your fuse shorter, but I know I would have been frustrated in those situations too! :(

    Have you tried a maternity belt to help ease your back pain?

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  4. I'm so sorry- I hate days like that!! I hope tomorrow is much much better

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  5. awww sweetie. that sucks. i hope your day got better. and doesn't suck tomorrow.

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  6. ((HUGS)) Emotions run high during pregnancy. You know they still love your more than anything!

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  7. Oh yes, nobody can hurt our hearts more than the children we love beyond words. It is a frustration we have all felt. Especially with little ones who have no knowledge of the pressures we face every day. I'm glad my kids don't know what those pressures feel like yet, but it also makes me feel like the worst parent in the world when I snap at my 3 year old because she's dancing instead of listening to me about getting ready for Tae Kwon Do class and I already know we are running late. Add pregnancy hormones into the whole mommy guilt and you are destined for major tears...so sorry! I bet when he saw you later that day he had the biggest smile and hug for you, nothing better than that to ease a bruised heart! By the way...you are an amazing mom! Whenever I'm beating myself up about a mom fail, my mother reminds me of all the children that she had come through her classroom that didn't have parents who cared about them, or, who physically abused them.

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