Honestly, I'm tired. Honestly, I'm at my wits end. Honestly, I'm at a loss and am ready to admit that I need HELP.
Everyone knows that I love my oldest child with everything I have. I would easily and without hesitation lay my life down for his. No question. In a second. Because I am his mother and I love him in that way only a parent can understand.
That doesn't mean raising him is easy. It doesn't mean that most days I look forward to bed time because his constant defiance/willfullness can end for the day...except the hour it takes for him to finally go to sleep!
Now I know that some of this is my fault. Our fault. We've created a situation where Ethan doesn't believe we'll follow through. It's not necessarily that we don't; it's that sometimes we go too far and we don't. Take for instance Saturday. He wouldn't get his shoes on. He wouldn't listen to anything, really, and so I said, "If you don't get your shoes on, we're aren't going." It was my last straw.
Only Clint wasn't on board with that. And so after about 30 minutes, we went.
And so my word means nothing.
Ethan is on overdrive all the time. All.The.Time. He also questions authority all the time. He also refuses to do anything the first time he is asked. He also doesn't believe we'll follow through on consequences. These things all lead to a very bad, very stressful place. A place I usually want to run from. FAST.
And so I'm thankful to start behavioral therapy. I'm hoping that it will force my husband to take some time to really talk through things. Because his solution is "let me spank him." I can't do that. I know there are other ways. And I know Ethan. It won't last long before he's over it. When I ask, "Fine. What consequence would you propose?" He never answers. Because he doesn't have a clue either. It's so frustrating not to be on the same page. And by the time the kids go to bed, he doesn't want to talk about it. It's so late and we're so tired and there's so little time.
I'm at a loss. The only thing I really know is that things cannot go on like this!