We watched the movie This is 40 last night. I love Paul Rudd, so I was looking forward to a nice, light comedy. And it was funny, but more than that, it was sad.
I can see tiny reflections of my own life through some of the dysfunctional nonsense they went through. I think it can be so easy to fall into patterns where life is so busy and so stressful and so...boring.
I look at other married couples and I wonder how they keep things going. I imagine them being deeply in love and talking as they did during those early years of marriage. I imagine that they've figured out how to NOT want to kill each other. And I wonder why we don't hold hands more often, why we don't say I love you as much as we should. Why we don't kiss like we used to.
And then it hits me. We have kids. I get a kiss every morning, regardless of my mercurial morning moods, before I rush off to work. I spend time with my husband after the kids go to bed...a little because let's face it, the time between their bedtime and mine isn't any great length. I consistently go to bed earlier than my husband because I need more sleep. There is no time to catch up on sleep anymore. I have kids. I have a child that doesn't sleep and prides himself in waking before we do.
So maybe we're not fawning all over each other anymore. Or right now. But maybe that's because we have two small children that zap all the energy from our once vibrant spirits. And maybe once those small children get just a little older and just a little more self-sufficient, we can begin living like married people in love rather than zombies searching for the energy brain.
I just thought the movie was sad because they were obviously in love but found themselves living in this rut of existence. And I can identify with that. I don't think we're "stuck" in that rut, but I definitely feel it getting harder to get out sometimes.
Parenting is hard.
That's why I'm thankful that we get to go to a couple concerts this summer and that we have opportunities to take advantage of Parent's Night Out offerings. Because in those moments, all this seems mute. In those moments, it's so easy to remember why we started down this crazy road to begin with. It's so easy to see that there will be a time when things will settle and we can reclaim a bit of ourselves to share with ourselves.
Because the kids? Well, they simply take up ALL OUR TIME, leaving us with exhausted moments.